30 March 2004

rain falling on green
gray panthers and a frenchman
pink bunny white nest

_____________________________

It's strange being back in Cleveland. Ah, pathology and an AIDS campaign awaits. Nice to be back at the co-op though. I had a pleasant welcome back from my 'people' here. :) 2 dinner saves courtesy of 2 very nice boys who were kind enough to pick me up from the airport as well as think of my dinner. Guess boys don't communicate to each other, otherwise I'd just have one dinner plate. I do appreciate the thought however and will return the favor.
The house is spotless thanks to our cleaning goddess and house manager who organized a Spring cleaning extravaganza. ¶ 21:14

i've spent the day wallowing in travel lust. I was on MSN with my friend Greg, who is in Paris, discussing things to do when i get there in June. Then I logged on to Lonelyplanet.com one of my favorite sites to see if any interesting posts have been put up and to start gathering my list of things to do when I get to Europe. Lovely. i'm just bursting with travel zest. hostels, backpacks, cathedrals, canals, cafes, visas. My head's spinning. So many countries left for me to visit. Oh and I bought the perfect little pocket journal. (absolutely essential!!) and it's bright red and just the right size. I can't wait to use it!!

I'll float back to reality soon...must be the cold meds.
¶ 18:51

There always seems to be those things in life that just can't be avoided. Things come to an end and new things start. Why can't i just push pause? It sometimes feels as if life were a large vehicle plodding slowly down a dusty road dragging me behind it by a rope. I'm its reluctant passenger digging my heels into the ground while gripping the rope tied around my waist; moving forward and onward before I'm ready or willing to move. ¶ 21:27

Pistachios at midnight in the dark hallway of a hostel.

Chaji, the Japanese tea ceremony.
Through tea, recognition is given that every human encounter is a singular occasion
which can, and will, never recur again exactly.
Thus every aspect of tea must be savored for what it gives the participants.

many thanks to the sharer of nuts in the dark.
¶ 23:39

Strangest thing this morning....woke up thinking I was back at ACOR (American Center for Oriental Research) in Amman. It was so disorienting. The air "smelled" like Jordan. It was sunny outside, dry, and slightly chilly- typical Jordanian morning. The house was pretty quiet; it usually is at 7am. *sigh* i miss it so much sometimes. I smoked my narguila/hookah yesterday w/Ali and Alexey, maybe that's what provoked the memory. Or maybe it was waking up without the usual aching shoulders (thanks to an overtly nice house member). Dusk and dawn in the middle east were my favorite times. Mornings with a fresh cup of coffee sitting out in the balcony with my journal. Or evenings with my bottle of wine, some music, and my narguila. So I began my test relaxed and filled with nostalgia.

Well, it's off to another place full of pleasant memories- Toronto. Can't wait to eat some great chinese food!! ¶ 10:53

Do you ever feel strange when you're walking somewhere with your headphones on listening to music? it kinda feels like you're in a movie with the soundtrack playing in the background, doesn't it? I was walking through the hospital on my way home listening to a random mix CD and watching patients wheeled away on stretchers from various parts of the hospital to others...and i thought "wow, I'll be treating those ppl in a year or two!" THe hospital's also become such a familiar and comfortable place, whereas just last year it was still uncomfortable, cold, and clinical. You sort of get the feeling that you strangely belong here...this is where you can exercise your skills...As i was thinking this....a new song came on: "I've got the POWER!"
lol ¶ 13:16

*sigh* this is nice. Have a pretty kitty by my side purring away, a mug of passion fruit tea, and my drugs (drug list that is). I've been here at Algebra Tea house for the past 2 hrs. I really enjoy this place. It's owned by a palestinian ex-patriate from north africa and the middle east. He's a cool guy to talk to and he always so nice. Tonight he brought dancho and me a plate of zucchini, tomatoes, chickpeas, and onions on couscous...YUM :) but i can't eat it all! I'm just so full. He's made all the furniture and hangings at this place....great fresh herbal teas...a kitty to play with...arab music in the background....lounging chairs. ¶ 22:08

Famine in Ethiopia ¶ 20:02

The World is YELLOW today.

banana on the sidewalk
yellow shirt
sunny skies
asians in the living room at 8am ¶ 14:54

Today's topic of discussion: Birthday Cards

I was out with Dancho today (compulsory shopping) and we happened to stop by Borders bookstore to look for a gift for his tall Bulgarian friend, Ivan. While there I stopped by the cards and stationary section to pick up some birthday cards for 2 of my housemates who have birthdays this week. While I was picking out "the perfect card" (which by the way I ALWAYS do) I thought..."hmm, isn't this a strange custom? Wonder where it came from?" Are we just so lazy and uncreative that we need other people to come up with our greetings? We just need that "perfect" card to give to that someone to express your truest and sincerest greetings/hellos/congratulations/sympathy/grief? They certainly are convenient. Also, I've always wondered what to do with the cards. I usually fill up all of the white space with my own writing....should I just sign the card? Is it really supposed to "say it all"? And why am I wondering about this when I have 2 papers, a presentation, an exam, and a week of AIDS awareness to plan? why why why why (that's what Yordan always asks me). Why, abi, Why?

Well I just don't know anymore. ¶ 20:57

There's just no way to respond to senseless violence but with horror and silence tinged with the shame of being part of species that can justify and carry out everything that is inhuman. ¶ 00:31

Ever feel that your life is paced all wrong? Either that, or maybe the hours in the day are inaccurate. You do some things too fast and other things too slowly, but nothing at just the right pace and nothing that fits into your schedule very well and there's never enough time to do everything you feel that you need to do. Or maybe I should just drop this obsession with time management efficiency. I remember reading a story once in high school english class about a man so obsessed with saving time that he charted out each day by the minute to make sure no time was wasted. He finally concluded that he wasted most of his time taking the stairs or the elevator, so after work one day, to save time, he just jumped out the window. It's bizarre, but I feel that I can actually relate to that man. Every night I plan my next day(mental pre-preparation)....8-12 class...15 min to walk home...30 min to make lunch...1hr to eat lunch and dawdle (even my dawdling is incorporated into my schedule), and it goes on and on and on. It seems to be the only way that I can get things done, and yet, I still don't get all the things on my list done.

So am I OCD or what? Probably not as much as my friend's mom who actually bought a comb for the fringes of her rugs (all of which her kids are not allowed to step on while in the house). My friend actually described going through her house as a series of hops around rug fringes. I guess if anything I just have a ridiculously short attention span coupled to an already scattered brain.
¶ 00:18

I'm back in the world of the conscious human being. I had a nice quiet non-stressful no-study evening. It's always nice to have good company, a nice glass of wine, and a cheesy action-adventure movie. It's back to the grind today, but much more tolerable. I stayed awake through 4 hours of class (haven't done that since october i think) and took beautiful color coded notes which I will probably look at but not read again. Life is...decent.

Seems like everyone's busy. Tracking influenza, keeping up with politics, making airline reservations (i hope), pre-sleep delirium, and all the other markings of full and wonderfully interesting lives. ¶ 12:44

here we go again...room is buzzing with last minute crammers. microscopes out...slides laid out...scrubs on...bad jokes abound (after all this is the reproductive committee, plenty of opportunity for off -color comments) The next 4 hrs will determine our longitudnal grades in anatomy and histology. I'm crammed out...and I'm just glad it's almost over. No formaldehyde, no "steve", no amputations, no microscopes (at least until August). :) I can't wait. 4.25 hrs....i think the test is starting...we're just waiting for the password. ¶ 07:55

just curious....what have you been reading lately? ¶ 11:33

strange dreams last night...downright disturbing actually.

I was lost in the underground layer of the Old city of Jerusalem with a group of people, Tom, DC, Sarah, Melissa, and Yordan. There's a serial killer loose in the city and we can't get out. The city is dark and maze like. Then the scene shifts and for some reason I am outside the city and am told that the only way to save my friends would be to go to the Sinai Peninsula and the only way there was by boat. A local villager tells me that there is this professor who can get me there. Yordan comes out of nowhere insists on coming with me because I can't go alone and he wants to find an internship.

So off we go to find this professor...we find her in this old decrepit restaurant. Yordan goes up to her and starts talking to her about his credentials and that he's from Bulgaria. She looks confused. I then sit down and tell her about our problem. She agrees to help us and takes us to the harbor. We sneak into a large boat that's docked, she's fluent in Arabic and somehow gets us past the dock people. Once we're in, she leaves. When I walk outside the room I run into one of the owners of the boat. He's confused...he tells me "What are you two doing in a brothel yacht?" i tell him that I want to go to the Sinai and that a professor brought us here.

Scene shifts again...still on the boat though. But now I'm making bakalava. and yordan is cooking kidney beans. A man brings out a clear white bucket filled with water and a white gooey snake like thing. He shoves it into my hands "here, this is a gift for you" I look into the bucket...and the long thing has a red head. It looks up at me. I scream and toss it down the garbage disposal.....bells start ringing....

It's my alarm clock and I need to get to class. ¶ 09:16