Title: Reality Hits- the pEE AND pOOP Committee

so, as you may have guessed this month's committee is renal and gastrointestinal physiology. Homeostasis certainly does odd things to people. Just today I walked into the "green room" one of our med student rooms (painted...green) and saw on the white board:

Nora has to pee --> glomerular filtration rate is 180L/min, and Nora's pee looks concentrated.
ADH must be up....therefore increased water permeability in the distal tubule nad collecting duct and increased Urea permeability in the collecting duct.

*GROAN* TOO MUCH INFORMATION!!! That's what I say.

I have been finding out (as I have aged and matured...*ehem* no laughter please) that reality is a rather STRANGE and rather surreal experience. It's not at all like i expected it to be. From this heavily idealized and romantisized "JOURNEY of BECOMING--a PHYSICIAN's PATH to HER MEDICAL DEGREE" to my own personal spiritual life. Nothing in my present reality as a medical student really resembles the picture I've had of medicine based on my past conversations with physicians or from the numerous physician personal narratives (from all eras of history) that I've read. It's all about personal fulfilllment, "helping people", heroic procedures, intense and high pressure experiences....not medical students mistaking kidneys for livers, spending their weekends pondering the color of their urine, or presenting hastily made posters to prominent members of the medical community and being made to feel like a 4 year old showing their drawing of easter to the members of hte congregation after sunday school class.

Does anyone know what i mean??!! Or am I just imagining things.

I find the same thing about my faith. I was just talking to DC about this(...i know i know...i am supposed to be taking a nap, but my severely sleep deprived mind has had so little sleep that it's forgotten how to do it). My personal walk with Christ has always been a constant struggle. A "gnawing at the soul" if I may quote the honorable ms. dickinson. It's never like "it's supposed to be"....but then I stop and look and wonder, what IS IT supposed to be like? Is what I see and interpret as good Christianity, just an outward face? I see people who appear confident and assured in their faith, who've passed the struggle and prioritize Christ in their life like it's 2nd nature...but is that real? or am i just seeing things? I'm never satisfied with the state of affairs in terms of my personal religious life. It's never good enough, and God always feels distant and mysterious. Not to mention the ever nagging question, "why am I doing this anyways?"

anyways, i think i'm just exhausted. sleep need sleep.....study need to study......coffee...where's the coffee...this is my mantra...it goes through my head throughout the day...everyday :)

¶ 17:37